Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul (2024)

As requested, I've decided to review the "book" Captivating, by husband and wife team, John and Staci Elderidge. Just how much of this book actually comes from Staci, and how much she was forced to write by her chauvinist husband is unclear. But she's credited on the book jacket. I guess that's worth something.

Well, where to begin? How about with the book's premise: we women, like Sleeping Beauty or Cinderella, are waiting for a man to rescue us from our sad-sack, self-esteemless lives. How does a man do this? By telling us that we are beautiful.

I am not making this up.

Basing our feelings of self-worth on a man's evaluation of our physical appearance? How new! How revolutionary! John and Staci, I've been searching for the meaning of life for years, and you've finally shown it to me! I just need a man to tell me that I'm beautiful, and suddenly all that stuff about the fallen state of the world, my own inherrent sinfullness, and the ramifications centuries of patriarchy will just pass away?!!? Wow! I feel like the mystery of my female soul has just been unveiled!

I'd much rather have my future husband save me with his salvific love than Jesus, with that whole death-on-the-cross-atoning-for-my-sin thing. What a bummer. And how violent! We women hate blood.

Sigh. I am tired of pop culture being repackaged as Christian truth. If I you want to unveil the mystery of your soul, good luck. St. Augstine tried to do the same thing about a millenia ago. What did he discover? Self-knowledge, like all other forms of knowledge, is corrupted by our sinful nature. Our souls are a mystery to us. "Know thyself" comes from the Greeks. And the Bible? "Trust the Lord your God will all your heart, and lean not upon your own understanding."

Dear Whomever May Be Concerned,

Today I started my girlfriend's favorite book Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge. There are three things that I have learned in the past two hours of reading and thinking. #1 Emily is an amazing girl and I'm pretty much the luckiest guy on Earth to have her. #2 Guys suck at understanding girls. Being one of those guys who thought he understood girls in high school (arrogance is quite embarrassing) I just would like to say to every guy out there. "WE SUCK AT UNDERSTANDING GIRLS." Growing up I thought because I understood the two concepts "Girls like bad boys." And "Nice guys finished last." I could fully understand the concept of the girl's mind. Man was I wrong. #3 The women's heart longs to be romanced. As guys' we FAIL. Epic giant fail. I look around and I see more guys in my generation looking at p*rn and degrading women in their mind than I see men buying girl's roses and trying to win their hearts.

Men were created in God's image but women were taken from men therefore also created with God's image. Often times we make women feel like they are not skinny enough or too emotional but sometimes we need to be thankful that they exist! God knew exactly what he was doing when He made women. Kiss your mom on the cheek. Tell your girlfriend she's beautiful. Treat the women around you with respect. Stop looking at p*rn because it degrades women and turns them into objects rather than sisters in Christ. Most importantly start meditating on the fact that the heart of a women is a reflection of the heart of God.

sincerely,

a humbled Asian boy struggling to be a man of God

I could not get through this book. The authors are blatantly ignorant of things they pretend they are experts on- such as art. When they talk about Adam doing the action and Eve standing around, they obviously failed to look at all into history. They insist that the tone of these pieces they refer to transcend boundaries of culture, but all of the art they're referring to is Catholic and European. They really needed to study art history and the concept of the male gaze before making sweeping generalizations.
The tone of the authors is smug and snooty. "Who's buying all the romance novels?" Not me. "You know this to be true." Oh, do I? I don't appreciate an author telling me how to feel. They're stance is that they're right: you are the student and they are the teacher. If you don't fit their mold something is wrong with you as a woman.
They advertise and quote themselves way too much. "Buy our guided journal we wrote!" Make your friends but the book too and read it together! Look what John wrote in "Wild at Heart!"
They base what women want off of what little girls want. Apparently the only thing girls want to do is put on skirts and twirl in front of Daddy and grow up to be a princess. When I was a kid, I wanted to be a janitor or a farrier, and I was inexplicably uncomfortable with my dad until I was 12 (seriously, no abuse or anything. Our relationship is healthy and normal now.) am I broken? Sure, I want to get married someday NOW, but the thought was never entertained when I was a child.

This quote drove me insane: "nature is not primarily functional. Nature is primarily beautiful." It suggests that a woman's first job is to be beautiful and not functional. Have the authors ever considered how vultures pee on their feet? Is that beautiful first or functional? Do they know WHY sunsets are so many colors? Nature's beauty is within functionality, and we see beauty in nature because we recognize God's glory in it. It is a call to worship and heralds the glory of its Creator.

The most grievous fault of thIs book, and John's book "Wild at Heart" (come to think of it, why did Stasi need his help but he didn't need hers?) is that it is a slap in the face to the creativity of God. It pigeonholes women into one box and men into another. The people who don't fit in either box? They're just wounded. The God I know is just not that bland. The authors claim that there is no blueprint for a woman right before they outline one. I cannot recommend this book to anyone and I wish I could give negative stars.

This is just as bad as the male version Wild at Heart.

This quote from the summary says it all really:

The message of "Captivating" is this: Your heart matters more than anything else in all creation. The desires you had as a little girl and the longings you still feel are telling you of the life God created you to live. He offers to rescue your heart and release you to live as a fully alive and feminine woman. A woman who is truly captivating.

I don't agree with any of it and this is definitely not what the Bible teaches!

I have continued to read this book, against my better judgment, and I have become increasingly uncomfortable with it. Not only does it heighten your emotions in order to incite a reaction, it has taken scripture reserved for Israel and applied it to me. That is ludicrous. Also, as an editing side note, when referring to any member of the Trinity in second or third person, it should be CAPITALIZED!! Oh and the audacity to ask God to show me how He loves me, come on! The question should be how have I glorified You, Father? How am I loving You today? Am I living in a manner that brings You praise? These are the questions a daughter of the King should be asking, would you ask your best friend to prove his or her love for you? NO! You would love them so their beauty is evident to those you come in contact with… This book really irritates me…

So as I am reading I am becoming more and more disappointed with the premise of the book. Chapter 3 is extremely judgmental... I don't know if I will finish it, but who knows maybe chapter 4 will be better...

This book came highly recommended by a few friends and a myriad of strangers who had rated the book online. I did my best to give it a chance and to read it with an open mind. Although I made it all the way through, I gritted my teeth almost the entire time.

Countless bad (and also secular) movie references aside, this book was filled with cliché after cliché about girls' dreams of being fairy tale princesses and the message that women are damsels in distress who need to be rescued by a man. John and Stasi Eldredge obviously share poor opinions of women's abilities to take care of themselves, viewing them as fundamentally broken and incapable of having stable emotions. Oh, and we're so pathetic as women that we need not even have ambitions, we just need to let things happen to us. "As a woman, you don't need to strive or arrange; you don't need to make it happen. You only need to respond" (Kindle location 2217). Seriously?

This book might as well have been Stasi's memoir about her neglected, traumatic childhood on which she based the idea that all women have "daddy/mommy issues" that have dragged into their adult lives and impacted them in ways they can't see. I felt the whole time that the Eldredges were hoping I would stumble upon some dark, long-buried, awful memory of how my parents abused me or didn't love me enough (which is not the childhood I experienced, by the way). I imagine this book is beyond helpful for women who did suffer from abusive experiences they did not deserve as young girls or teenagers, but this book assumes more women had bad childhoods than not.

And if that wasn't enough, the conceited, holier-than-thou tone of the book made me feel as if I am guilty for NOT having had a horrible childhood or having had something awful happen to me. Did (and do) I go through trials in my life? Absolutely. Did I have a perfect childhood with perfect parents who treated each other like gold and stayed married? Nope. But I always felt loved and I was blessed to have parents who instilled confidence, strength and a sense of capability and independence in me from a very early age.

I won't even go into the poor writing, disregard for scriptural context and/or accuracy, calling God my "lover" or the authors' multiple references to casting out demons in Jesus' name either. That would just be too much.

I would give this book zero stars if I could.

This book is a grotesque misinterpretation of femininity. It reinforces paradigms ages old that a woman’s place is upon a pedestal, and that beauty – whether in her canoeing skills or her ball gown – is her essence. It negates the need to dabble on the hearts of wild, wilful, untameable women, simply decreeing that if you’re of that ilk, you’re broken, desolate and lost.

Seduction, within a “Christian” sense, plagues this book; Women are to be pretty and needy and petty in the making to make them alluring, and being alluring, or captivating, is the key! It is your duty to make your man feel like a real man, (apparently this means not letting him lounge about the bed naked and half covered by a sheet), otherwise you have failed. There is no place in this picture for a woman that does things on her own, but then, this book is not targeted at strong women. This book is targeted at lost women within the church searching for a sense of self, herein it becomes its own failure.

What Stasi Eldredge sees as herself, whether as a woman or a creation of God, is not the essence that makes every other woman whom she is in her heart. I am not romantic, I do not like being romanced, and I prefer Stevenson to Austen and Tarantino to Cameron, but that doesn’t make me less of a woman. I didn’t want to be beautiful when I grew up, I wanted to be wise and knowledgeable; and I have memories of dressing up as a cowboy or Darth Vader, even vaguely as a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, but never a bride or a princess. Personally, I feel the greatest misunderstanding in this book is that there is such a severe distinction between the sexes, because honestly, there isn’t.

Ultimately, Captivating, is a narrow, inconsiderate mess of modern Christian ideology. Maybe it can be seen as inspiring to women searching for their identity, but finding an identity in someone else leaves them no healthier than being lost. God won’t love you any less if your heart is fierce; God knows some of us need a fierce heart, and who’s to say that isn’t alluring?

Polarizing.

For people who hate Biblical stuff, this would be a lost idea.

For people who hate the notions of the stupider romantic traipsing as well.

The hardcore feminists, for them there will not be enough pitchforks on Earth to deal with this book. The more balanced out ones might enjoy it, a lot, especially in some places.

For people who look for reading some soft & a bit inspiring stuff, fluffy and comfy reading - a winner. Especially if they can disconnect the rational part of their brain for a time.

This book is based on opinion and tradition, not the word of God.
Which is fine, unless it's trying to pass off as some kind of Biblical book.
Which sadly, it is.
The only thing worse, is women everywhere are reading it and accepting it as TRUTH as opposed to reading it and testing it to what they know about their faith and what the Bible says AND DOESN'T say about women and gender.

Pathetically, this is how the cycle continues.

So, I just read this today and at first, I liked it. The author seemed to embrace the ideas of women as a companion, as beautiful etc. It seemed to embrace femininity in a way that was refreshing and lively - basically, she didn't seem stodgy and repressive.
But really... although there were random quotes i liked etc, she bases her "truths" on movie quotes, movie examples, scripture taken out of context, and .. a lot of personal experience...
i mean, i wanted to like it. I feel like, someone should write a book for women who struggle more.. but in the end, it really felt sad that someone would go to such lengths to publish man's wisdom under the guise of counsel.
there were bits of ideas that did make sense, and i liked how she went into explaining woman as a companion as the ezer kenegdo but... yeah.. some stuff was plain weird.

for example: Ruth as a seductress. uhhh... pretend that Jesus Christ is Jack and you're Rose? ... ummm...........

hahaha.
i think i spent a lot of time frowning. and the only reason i finished it, was because i wanted to see how it ended. (maybe it would redeem itself).

it didn't.
the beginning was captivating enough.. but it just ... really fell flat.

probably because it's what i wanted to hear rather than being anything meaty.....

lastly, you probably won't understand all the "romantic" references she makes unless you read classic novels. or watch movies. yeahhh....

I'm no woman, and so I have to take all of the "you" statements in the book as "women" statements. But still, I think this book is insightful, and it helps to provide some biblical justification for many of the misunderstood characteristics, needs, and longings of many women. If you're a man, read it only if you have a woman you can talk to about it. Ask her questions. Tell her what confuses you. Tell her what makes sense. She'll enjoy it, especially if she's your "special lady."

This book, so far, describes how women are the pinnacle of creation, and they should be cherished as such. They are made to be beautiful, and in our fallen world, this gets perverted and abused. As a result, women's souls are damaged and their validity is challenged. Women are also created with certain aspects of God's personality written on their hearts - relationship, love, beauty, and passion.

Much of what I've read in this book hasn't been revelatory, but what is helpful is not the "what" about women's needs/desires, but the "why." Most men know that women want to be told that they're beautiful. Do you know why?

I was recommended this book by my twin sister. I wasnt exactly excited about reading it. However, once I started I couldn't put it down. Captivating isn't a self-help book, or a sermon; far from either. Instead, Captivating is a book about discovery. It sheds light into the areas of a woman's heart most people would dare not even look and gives the reader permission to heal wounds that one didn't even know were there. This book changed my life forever. All it took was the first page and I was hooked.

For every ten pages of lucidity and helpful ideas there's a hundred of horrifically shallow spirituality, Hollywood fluff worship, and truly absurd concepts of gender roles. Long review coming soon. Alas, books of this sort are assumed to be holy, and might be very damaging to the wrong reader at the wrong time.

I'm just not connecting with this book. It comes off smug in my opinion, completely lacking the humility and honor I would expect in a book written for women who love the Lord. I've been tempted to put it down several times, but I'm trying to continue to read it with an "open mind".

Ok, 2 weeks later, I'm done trying now. I just can't read any more of it, the more I read the more irritated I get. There are too many good books out there to be wasting my time on this one. I got almost 1/2 way through, so I can't say for sure it's not worth your time, but I strongly suspect you can skip this one altogether. I wish I had.

This book restores my soul. As a woman it is too easy to become trapped & enamored by what this world deems "beautiful" & "worthy." I, too, have followed the empty train headed towards a wasteland of so called redemption--in hot pursuit of the shoes i simply MUST have--the makeup that promises to transform me--the sparkly adornments designed to make me stand out & shine! A refreshing reminder that there is more to a woman than meets the eye & our beauty has everything to do with how God sees us-not how we see ourselves.

One of the greatest achievements in this book is that it manages to offend and bore at the same time. This was not a book I freely chose to read, it was suggested from my church book group and I found it a real struggle to read.

It started on quite a promising note discussing the feeling that many women have , that they are simply not enough, whether this is maternal enough, pretty enough, clever enough or organized enough. I do wonder if this is just a feminine trait or one universal to all, regardless of gender .

Parts are thought provoking, the book clearly believes that men and women are designed to be different, a view I have some problems with but can see some evidence to support it. However the book completely ignores the role that society plays in shaping gender roles. The book makes a great deal of the differences between little girls and boys,the fact that little boys dress up as superheroes whereas little girls love to dress up as princesses waiting to be rescued. I think this was one of the points in the book where I gulped gin in frustration. Page 47 reads something along the lines of " little boys ask, " do I have what it takes?" little girls ask " am I lovely?" My strong smart 10 year old daughter has never asked " am I lovely " . Yes she has dressed up as a princess but she has never , to my knowledge, waited for a prince to rescue her.

Again there were sections that were interesting, as a feminist I would rather be praised for my brains, my parenting, even my cooking but not my beauty which has become an uncomfortable word for feminists. Yet if I am honest with myself I want to feel attractive, I spend a fortune on lotions, potions and adornments so it must matter. This book allowed me to reflect on this inner struggle and to recognize that beauty, particularly in its wider meaning, is something to treasure. I also found the part on teenage girls interesting as a mother of a pre teen who also works with teenage girls. I do witness many girls go from being interesting, vibrant individuals to clones of one another seeking to get their confidence from boys. I was pleased to see the affirmation that confidence and self worth cannot come from another person.

I was struck by the section on nature and how God finds a way to speak to us in the medium through which we understand, I am fortunate to live somewhere beautiful and often feel closest to God when walking and pausing to take in the view.

The book frequently criticizes domineering and controlling women, i have to admit that I felt a twinge of guilt at that point and maybe i will take away from the book that I do not always have to be in control and that vulnerability is not always a bad thing. However once again this useful advice for men and women.

But again there are things that were just offensive, women were praised for staying in abusive relationships or continuing to be give in a feminine way whist putting up with abuse. We are told that men have affairs because women fail to be feminine or to make their men feel masculine .

I hoped this book would be an intelligent discussion of what it means to be a woman in an age where many of us feel we have to do it all, drawing from scripture. What I was faced with were a few scriptural references interpreted with great artistic license and a lot of patronizing quotes from Disney films, Cheryl Crow and the Sound of Music. There was also a irony in the fact that this was supposed to be a book for women and I assumed by a woman. Yet it seemed to me mostly by a man who let his wife have her two pence worth every now and again .

To quote another woman, " I am not amused"

UPDATE: I think it's time for a new update for this book. I actually found my old review on Amazon (which isn't an easy thing to do these days), and I did something I don't do much anymore: I deleted the 11-year old review. (What a way to make me feel old.)

I've been reviewing since 2007, and looking back at these early reviews really brings into stark contrast how much I've changed since then. Typically, I let those old reviews stand as they are, a capsule of who I was at the time. I know many may not get that, thinking that my thoughts at the time of writing are still mine today; but I have over 900 reviews on Amazon, and I'm not about to hunt and peck to delete all my old reviews.

However, with this book, I felt like leaving up my 5-star review on Amazon was hugely inappropriate. On Goodreads, I can hide my initial review, add warnings and leave the rating blank. On Amazon, I can't do that. I don't think it's fair to rate this book 1-star or 2-stars without rereading (something I have no intentions of doing), but neither is it fair to give it a whopping 5-stars for opinions I think are harmful today.

(To make matters more interesting, there was one commenter who commented on nearly every positive review of that book why the book was awful, and I would argue with him on multiple reviews, this being the days before I had any respect or decency for another person's review space. I wish very much I could go back and delete my interactions, but that's more effort than it's worth.)

(UPDATE from 2022: And my wish was granted - Amazon changed their commenting policy, so all those comments are now gone. For this review, I am glad; for many other reviews, I am sad to miss out on all the wonderful interactions.)

While "Captivating" made me feel like I was worth it at the time and I suppose I am grateful for that, the additional baggage of this book - enforcing gender norms and stereotypes and tying your self worth to how closely you follow an ancient text cobbled together from many sources - are ones I can't stand behind. (I also don't find examples from pop culture or supposedly "real life people" very convincing these days.) I am worth it, regardless of how feminine I come across, regardless of whether I can cook or clean or want to have kids or want to get married.

I got sucked into the book because I was probably depressed and lonely; I don't want to dupe another depressed, lonely young woman with my inaccurate positive review to read this book and try desperately to bludgeon herself into this narrow definition of "Christian femininity".

When I read this book, I was a college student very much a part of the evangelical "purity" culture. I had been homeschooled and isolated from my peers. I had never dated because I didn't know how to interact with boys/men, and I never asked to date because that's not what "good girls did". I felt fat and ugly. I went straight from classes home because that's what my parents expected of me. I didn't do anything wrong - I didn't party, I didn't drink, I didn't smoke, I didn't even go out with friends.

For an incredibly isolated, lonely young woman, I needed this book. But I'm not that woman anymore. I've grown up. I have had a boyfriend (though that was meh). I have been out on dates (though, again, meh). I'm a feminist. I've been to other cities, other states, a whole different continent and country. I've lost weight and feel attractive.

I will leave this review up here in spoiler tags, but I ask you keep in mind: I was a young woman, very inexperienced, following a whole different culture when I wrote this. I almost want to reread this book with my new perspective, but I have long since given/sold the book.

(Of note: Rereading this review, I find it interesting that what I wrote about wasn't how I felt the need to be pure or more feminine, critiques I've seen given to this book, but the joyful affirmation that I was beautiful and uniquely loved by God. Truly, I was in a sad place, that I didn't feel beautiful and loved.)

2022 Disclaimer: I have been reading and reviewing for over a decade, and in that time, I have grown and changed a lot. My views in the following review reflect the person I was when I wrote them and may not reflect who I am today - for better or for worse. While I would love to be able to reread and update my reviews to reflect who I am today, I think my time is better dedicated elsewhere. If you choose to read this review, please bear in mind this attitude.

When I was a little girl (okay, not that little, but younger than I am now), I would imagine myself being a lawyer or a Jedi. I would save the world from criminals, uphold the ways of the Force, and travel the world (or the universe on my own starship). Eventually, the hero of my dreams (either detective or Luke Skywalker) would tell me how beautiful I was and marry me. Together, we would live happily ever after. Fast forward over a dozen years and the story is much different. Today, I have a less-than-glamorous job, no significant relationships with men, and little hope that anyone outside my family will ever call me beautiful.

My story is one that many women can relate to. In this book, John and Stasi acknowledge the way that women feel and encourage them to rise above it. Women are not called to mediocrity, is their cry. Women are meant to be beautiful, to be loved and to love, and to be involved in adventure and the way this can be achieved is by a meaningful, intimate relationship with the one who started it all: God, the ultimate lover.

What I Liked:
When I first started this book, I couldn't get into it. When my church group encouraged the ladies to read Captivating while the men read Wild at Heart, I took up the challenge--this time with better success. The entire novel absorbed me--particularly Chapter Two: "What Eve Alone Can Tell". In this chapter, John and Stasi gave me a picture of my femininity that I had never, in my wildest dreams, pictured before. Here, they assert that Creation was not complete without woman. For me, that was the most jaw-dropping moment of the book. "Creation is not complete without me?!?!" Woa.

Furthermore, John and Stasi give plenty of examples--Biblical, pop culture, and real-life men and women--of what they mean. In describing God and how he wants to love us, they use examples from movies that many women have seen: Titanic, Braveheart, Lord of the Rings, and Sense and Sensibility to name a few (none of the movies are endorsed, only the imagery is used). When describing how parents influence a daughter's image of herself, several women's life stories are given. This real-life approach is also given when describing interactions with men, interactions with God, and interactions in the world and lends the whole book great authenticity.

But most importantly, John and Stasi made me realize how valued I was as a woman and how important it was for me to let go of all the chains and grudges and burdens I have been holding on to. In this manner, the book was a success and a delight.

What I Did Not Like:
Towards the end, the book begins to read like a to-do list, i.e. "So in order to feel better and be more beautiful follow the steps below". I hate this because I am the type of person who wants to do the items and conquer each before moving on in the book. But when you are just reading through a book (and don't plan on doing a step, waiting a few weeks/months, going to the next step, repeat), such a tactic does not work. And if I just read all the steps one after another without doing each one, I tend to get overwhelmed with all the "to-do" work I have in front of me.

Dialogue/Sexual Situations/Violence:
In relating a prior conversation, a woman says an expletive.
John and Stasi relate others' (and Stasi's) failed relationships. These include rape, sexual assault, physical abuse, verbal abuse, and other forms of domestic violence. Definitely not for younger teens; preferably for older teens and adults.

Overall:
Wow. Wow. What else can I say? I've learned so much about myself in the few days this book has taken to read that I never knew in all the years before. I know why I feel the way I do--and that many other women feel the same way. I understand how my parents influence the way I do things today. And I understand that God loves me in a special way--a romantic way that church never talks about.

Are you a lonely woman, looking desperately for someone to love and love you? Are you bored out of your mind in your job? Is someone calling you beautiful? This is a book that will show you that there is someone to love, to call you to adventure and who is calling you beautiful. A must read book.

It's over!!! She had to have one parting shot at "emasculating" women(*eye roll*) But mostly I'm just glad it's over.

Let me be clear, there ARE some REALLY good parts of this book. But I can't think of a single one of those parts you can't find elsewhere in Christian literature. So I would suggest skipping this one and moving on to something that's not entirely gender essentialist and sometimes misogynist.

I posted chapter by chapter statuses if you are interested but essentially the main point is that femininity is not bad or a weakness but just another way of expressing God's image, he created male and female in his likeness and both are necessary in his kingdom. The other main point is that God wants to romance you. Annoyingly, the authors prove their points but using pretty much no scripture, some pop culture, and a false dichotomy of gender: All men are the same, they are exactly like Adam and all women are the same, they are exactly like Eve. Women are all, deep down inside, as stereotypically feminine as you can possibly be and all men are, deep down inside, as stereotypically masculine as you can be. But when men don't act as stereotypically male as possible or women don't act as stereotypically female as possible they are going against creation and are sinning. There's a lot of derogatory talk about emasculating/dominating women and passive men.

Another sore point: the tiny portion of the book claiming to be for single women actually talks to women with boyfriends or fiances. There is literally no thought given to an unattached lifestyle in this book despite the many examples of single people in the bible.

Last gripe: This book makes an overarching assumption that everyone hurts all the time. So if you are generally happy in life, the tone will be a bit off putting. There are constant refrains like "You've held this pain inside. You feel it, don't you?" However, everyone hurts sometime so maybe if you are struggling right now, it'll work for you?

In conclusion, if you understand that God created male AND female in his likeness and that femininity and beauty are just as inherently valuable as strength and masculinity and that all can and do play a role in God's kingdom, you've got the valuable bits out of this book, spare yourself the rest of it.

A room painted bubblegum pink, with floral border wallpaper, sporting an immense collection of plastic unicorns is the best way to imagine the tone of "Captivating." It is written by a husband and wife team. I hate it when men try to divulge the secrets of the woman's heart to women, but the wifes commentary was even more repugnant (maybe because she should know better). The premise of the book was worthy, but ended up completely botched by the authors.

It wasn't so captivating.

So, basically every woman is, deep down inside, a little princess in a pink dress, waiting in her tower for prince charming to rescue her from her dull life to give her the meaning and purpose of true womanhood.

And if this description doesn't fit you, you're having an identity crisis.

Of course, if you really dislike the book, it's just 'not the right season for you'.

*SIGH*

This book was given to me by my mom, after she had read it. It took me a while to get into the right mindset to have the patience to read it; however, when I did what a jewel I found - not only in the book, but in myself as well. The book is filled with metaphors and analogies that at first I found it hard to identify with because I was, as the book refers to, a woman striving and busying myself with all the worldly mundane tasks of life. I didn't "have time" for this flowery mumbo-jumbo! A woman emotionally flat and depleted. Once I found my calm space and made time to prioritize this (because afterall, my mom has quoted it SO many times this past year...it obviously has something to offer!), i found that this book is such a refreshing read, and it truly did awaken my feminine spirit. It focuses on the purpose and heart of a woman, and how she is called to a role that is both captivating and nurturing to the relationships in her life. It opened my eyes to the ways that I have learned to defend my heart by putting up barriers to it, and how you cannot truly love without being vulnerable. This is a word that has not even been in my vocabulary for so long that I honestly hardly recognized the concept until I found myself caught up in the examples the authors gave... examples of hardships faced and innocent dreams dying when girls' fundamental questions go unanswered from their fathers: 'Am I lovely?,' and 'Am I enough?' I've been going through life with my eyes wide open, but my heart quite closed off. There were many key insights offered into how a woman should be focused on her one true Father, and operate in a feminine way in the world so as to make it (and her own heart) flourish. It describes femininity in many ways - tender, loving, beautiful, fierce. This book is inspirational, and worth a second read! Enjoy

Not sure how to rate this one. I think it was almost equally as fascinating as it was confusing, ...and disturbing. The way some things were worded was definitely over the top, and I just totally didn't agree with them.

Other things I was not at all comfortable with. For one, I think there's a delicate balance between esteeming a woman for what God made her, and exulting her beyond what's right. And a delicate balance between showing God's love and care for men and women are equal, and actually pushing the men down to show good qualities of the women. Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul, might have gone past the good and into the not-so-good in those areas.

But as for actually unveiling a woman's soul, I think they hit that pretty straight on. While other things seemed far-fetched and some a little weird, they described the essence of a woman's soul pretty well I think. We all do long to be princesses, and pursued and protected by a courageous knight… :) 

But overall, it seemed kind of self focused. Looking at and to ourselves more than to God.

Maybe you want to read this book, but do so with a good dose of wariness I guess! I don’t know. If you want to read Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul, I would suggest reading it with other Christ-following women. For example, I hope to have my mom read it, and discuss it with her. It's good to understand your feminine nature and discover what God truly designed us as women to be, but we don't want to worship ourselves or anything like that.

Be a woman: feminine, humble, caring… yet knowing she is a child of the King through her Savior's blood, and beautiful in His eyes. And don’t exalt yourself, exalt HIM! For He is the one who created you, loved you with an unconditional love, and put the longing to be feminine in your heart.

I'm not a big fan of "self-help" books like this, but a good friend said she kept thinking of me as she read it, so I picked it up. I read the first two chapters last night and it has a lot of good things to say!

After finishing, I can honestly say that this is one of the best books I've ever read about being a woman and how women were created and understanding the soul of women. I'm blown away. I think every woman needs to read this book (18 is a good point, or 16 for those who are mature enough to handle talking about marriage subjects) and every man should as well (20 and up). John Eldredge wrote Wild at Heart and I now plan on reading that one as well to better understand the journey of the Christian man (well, all men, but Christian's in specific). Captivating is the flip side for women.

I'll be rereading this one, maybe before the end of the year, because it has so much great info and applicable things to help get the question of our soul answered.

SO, if you are a woman and over 18, get this book!

READ WITH SCRUTINY AND DISCERNMENT, but know you can take good things.

Interesting. Loaded with cultural outlooks.

Talking with others I've decided I liked it because I could relate with it, but I don't think a girl who grew up in a different place could relate to it.

TERRIBLE!! The title names alone should've clued me in, but this book was so highly recommended that I ignored them. "Arousing Adam" is especially distasteful as far as chapter titles go. I've never felt more unfeminine in my life. I alternated between being near tears at falling so short of expectations and laughter that people still think women want a knight in shining armor. I don't really desire any of the three things "every woman wants." Somehow, this made me feel inadequate. I identified far more with the "Question" men ask than the one supposedly geared toward women. I hate the movies they listed as the female favorites. Again, I liked the male favorites more. Same thing with the childhood games. I never went through a "horse phase" as "most little girls do" (p. 12). I was going to tough it out and finish the book until I got to page 142. There, the authors commended not one, but two women for showing beauty by remaining in an abusive marriage. Last time I checked, there was not a single thing beautiful about a woman (regardless of her attitude and outlook) in an abusive marriage. That's disgusting. I'm appalled that a man who claims to be a Christian could find beauty in a woman staying with a man who treated her poorly. It's no wonder Christian women today are so confused. For all the hype about this book, it turned out to be just another "let your inner beauty shine through and you'll be at peace" book. I can't say I'd recommend this to anyone.

I almost didn’t want this book to end. I didn’t expect to be this impacted by it. It was both gentle and profound. It spoke about many pains and fears and insecurities and struggles I deal with, and talked about the woman’s heart and Gods design for it in a way I hadn’t heard before. It’s not afraid to take you into your past and the hurts there, but offers so much beautiful hope for your future and the love and redemption to be found in Jesus. It seriously has got me thinking about where my heart is and what things I’m holding on to that are holding me back, has given me clarity about how my past affects me now, and has me praying for more clarity and healing from Jesus. And it’s also given me comfort, because it’s shown me that I’m not alone in my struggles and insecurities. I highly, HIGHLY recommend this book. I don’t say this often but I think every girl (teen and up) should read this ✨

Now, I give this a 3-star rating because I do not have the option of a 3.5, and it is not quite worthy of a 4-star rating. It is a great book - or course, for women. Having already read "Wild At Heart" and impacted by it, I decided to read "Captivating" while my girlfriend read "Wild At Heart". We wanted to better understand one another, and one another's gender more.

"Captivating" is a copy-and-pasted version of "Wild At Heart". They quote the majority of the same movies (mostly men's movies, at that - i.e. Braveheart, The Lord of The Rings, The Last of The Mohicans etc.) and they often repeat their main points in each chapter. The first chapter is great. It seems as though the Eldredges just rewrote it about 11 other times, as they redundantly state the same point, only adding something slightly different to have some minor impact.

I know that it appears as though I did not like the book - that is incorrect. I did. I feel as though I do better understand women (though perhaps not all of them...) and I plan on seeking to become more like the warrior that I am. I do, however, feel as though Stasi and John placed much of their own ideals and interpretations into the writing. That's ok, but it seems a bit of a stretch (making certain goals/situations too easy to overcome) and sometimes a little one-sided. Yes, this book is intended for women, but it does not do a great job of making the genders equal. Women seem to be invited to play BOTH the part of the Beauty and as a Warrior - men only the Warrior. Now that is fine. I cannot see how men could be contrived as a Beauty in any fashion, but I cannot see how women are to play the role as a Warrior if that is what men are called to do.

The message seems to be contradicting. Men need to offer their God-given strength (spiritually, physically, and every way) while women offer their God-given beauty (spiritually, physically, and every way) - yet they state that "since men aren't always arround" that women need to also be warriors. I did not like that portrayl. Yes, some men are not present, but they too are battling themselves and their desires just as women are.

They use a lot of scripture to support their points - this is good. They use a lot of stories to support their points - this is not as good. Their stories tend to take away, in some cases, from their points as the stories are too long or vague. Stasi's personal testimonies (not all, her dizzy spells seemed a bit exaggerated) spoke to me the most...

If you are woman, then this book really will help you, I feel.

If you are a man, this book will shed some light into the mysteries of a woman's soul, but it may offend you somewhat - just take it with a grain of salt and then read "Wild At Heart."

First off: I know many, many women who love this book and identify greatly with John & Stasi's narrative. Their love for this book - in contrast to my frustration with it - has reminded me once again that our walks with God are as unique as we are. Don't allow my negative review to keep you from picking this up and giving it a go; but perhaps I can suggest that you borrow it, or get it from a library? I bought it, with the little cash I had as a young adult, and gave it away to someone more admiring than I.

Captivating presents what was, I think, hoped to be a healing narrative for women about God's purpose and plan for them. In reality, it casts a walk with Christ in a fairy tale light, and is overwhelmingly - as a dear friend of mine put it - "Princess-heavy." The references to pretty dresses and twirling in fields were ubiquitous. There's nothing inherently wrong with the princess narrative, but is this really the only kind of womanhood we're going to cover in Christian non-fiction? Sometimes it feels that way.

If you find yourself reaching the end of this book, mystified and discouraged by a portrait of 'biblical womanhood' that looks nothing like your own, you're not alone. Some women love dresses, and twirling, or feeling pretty; others love working with their hands, or getting dirty, or feeling strong, or all of the above! Honestly, in describing them I find myself in the same danger to which the Eldredges have fallen prey: of putting women in yet another box. Each one of us is wholly unique, wholly created to do something unique, and yet wholly accepted and loved by our Father. This may be stated in the book a few times, but I found that the content as a whole says something very different.

I just had a flashback to reading this book, and how much I hated it. Oh man, I hated this book.

I think I was in college. Highly motivated, career-bound, ready to make my mark on the world and hoping to make a difference. And then THIS BOOK came along, with its sweeping (and insulting) generalizations about women as these fragile, over-romantic creatures who desperately wanted and needed to be protected. The thing that sticks out to me is some line about "ALL women want to be rescued by their knight in shining armor!" and my little teenage self, who was going through a SERIOUS Star Trek phase, thought "Oh hell no, I want to be out doing the rescuing." I knew right then I didn't want to be rescued by a knight, I wanted to be co-knight, out rescuing together.

I think my husband and I (I got married at 31, by the by) do a pretty good job of that. Oh, and instead of spending my single years putting my life on hold and pining for my ONE TRUE LOVE (as these books all seem to think women are wont to do unless being warned STRIDENTLY against it) I got a PhD in my chosen field. Hmmm. It's almost like women are individuals with different wants and needs that can't be easily captured in a 200 page book.